Ok, this is something I seriously, legitimately need to stop doing before I get arrested.

If you can get arrested for snooping on people online.

Can you? Well if you can, then the police need to buck up their ideas because I've been Internet stalking unchecked for years.

I'm pretty sure sneaking a peek at your old school friends' Facebook profiles is common practice, but there's the other kind, the kind of online stalking that's not nearly as healthy, or half as humorous.

Hunting down girls that your boyfriend once slept with/may be cheating on you with or your ex-boyfriend might currently be banging.

Yeah. The kind that turns a normal girl into teary psychotic hot mess.

There's nothing fun about it, it's not voyeuristic - it swings between flagellation and fiendishness, and while I know it's not going to end well, I still do it.

When I've had a boyfriend, yeah, maybe I've had a little dig on girls they're conversing with publicly online, but I've never gone for a sortie into their inbox or private messages. I'm sure things would be a lot more interesting in there, but I just can't cross that line.

And while I broke up with my last boyfriend some months ago, I've still maintained a healthy interest in his life. Particularly his communications with girls in his Twitter feed and Facebook wall.

There shouldn't be much of a problem with doing this really, but I'm known to blow things a little out of proportion. If he's talking to someone, they're blatantly screwing. And then, maybe, I just might get a little upset about it. Occasionally.

Does he know I'm doing this?

Yep. Because I tell him I do it. And he does it to me too.

I think more of us do this than we'd care to admit.

But I'm still trying to work out how messed up it is. When I Googled 'social media stalking your ex' I found an article on an addiction support website, so that was awkward.

However, this kind of behaviour *does* smack of addiction. You know you shouldn't do it, you know it's not going to have a good outcome, it's generally not good for you...and yet you still do it, compulsively.

Eh, but I'm not that bad. I only let myself do it probably once every few days. I'm cutting back.

But really, I should stop it altogether.

I found this article about how to stop addictive behaviour, and while I still think shooting up crack is probably a little bit more of a serious problem than Google Image searches of girls my ex is tweeting, maybe it's worth looking in to.

Well, first off I need to figure out what's triggering the stalking.

I usually do it in moments of boredom. Like right after I finish my lunch. Or when I'm in the middle of doing work.

Or when something reminds me of him.

Yikes.

And how 'intense' is my behavior?

So, I check out all the new tweets since my last visit, and I click through on any handles that look suspiciously like they belong to girls.

It doesn't matter what he's said to them, it only matters that they're female.

If their profile picture looks remotely attractive, then they're in trouble. I'll start snooping on their website or blog, maybe even give them a cheeky Googling.

If they're hot, I'll be all up in their business. Secretly. Sneaky, sneaky.

What self-monitoring systems can I put in place to stop me thinking about it, or doing it?

Mmm...block Twitter?

Ha. No.

What alterations can be made to your daily life to remove opportunities to 'fall off the wagon'?

Not be bored, ever. Ummm...

Shit.

Have you thought about just trying to go cold turkey?

Yes. Just now. Literally just this second.

Crap. This is the issue, see - is that I'm on my computer, on social networks all day long. And he's right there, one click away. It's like sitting an alcoholic in front of a champagne fountain.

What am I supposed to do? Rely on willpower and self-control?

Sure, yeah, cold turkey it is.

I give it a week.