You know that game you play when you're drinking: 'Have you Ever'? The one where you have to drink if someone suggests an activity that you've done?

I could easily be sober driver after playing that game. I'm the one at the end of the table nursing her drink looking sadly at the floor, and then hopefully up at the person asking the question, and then, sigh, sadly back at the floor again.

Nope, no sex on a plane. No hard drugs. No criminal offenses. No orgies.

I'm the person that tells you not to do those things as you're about to do them.

I don't have any real reasons for being this way. I just don't like being in trouble. And when you do naughty things, you get in trouble.

How sweet a deal is that for my parents, right? All the way through my teens - they were like, whatever, do what you want. They knew I wouldn't ride in cars with boys. They knew I wouldn't have sex in school toilets. I was self-policing. Sweet deal.

But that was years ago, in a small town with nothing better to do than throw rocks at road signs. I've traveled, meet all kinds of people, seen some crazy places...how have I not been corrupted yet?

[Me, shooting a gun in a controlled environment with the proper safety equipment]

I can't be that good, can I?

Maybe outwardly, with the majority of my 'activities' I'm a good girl, but there are a couple of factors I think I need to cling on to to save myself from being labelled a complete and utter square.

1. I have a sick and twisted sense of humor.

2. I swear like a sailor.

3. I love gangsta rap.

4. I have a dirty mind...that I try to keep to myself.

I think I like the idea of being a bad-ass, but without being bad.

I'll listen to gangsta rap without actually partaking in the slapping of working ladies, drug usage or shooting of gang members. I swear my head off...but I'll wait to see if you swear first. Don't want to offend anybody now! I'll watch South Park make fun of minorities, but I'd never do it myself.  

I'll think bad things, but I don't actually say them out loud.

I think I might be a closeted bad-ass. When I'm not being a pretend gangsta.