No one likes being on their own right?

I know I don't. I get all lonely, and down, and I start to pick myself apart, battling with the little grumpy me inside my head just to have someone to talk to.

And that all starts happening after about 30 minutes solo.

Seriously, I'm so dependent on other people, I'm like a house cat with a distaste for hunting.

I literally *need* other people to make me happy (and sometimes feed me).

Stop Being Crap: Start riding solo

 I decided to take drastic action.I've been leaning on my friends and family for, oh, about 24 years now, and I needed to stop being crap already.

It wasn't enough to spend some time alone at home in my bedroom wallowing in the tear-soaked pages of my diary in self-reflection - I needed to be alone, and really on my own.

So I got on a plane and went to an island off the coast of Morocco, ya know, by myself, for five days.

And this; this is how I started my journey to learn to be alone.

Day One: Feeling out friendlessness

After a mega mishap at the airport, I started my holiday sprinting from one side of the airport to the other. No one to help carry the bag or encourage me on my race against departure time. Just me, and my jandals fwapping against the cold, hard floor of the terminal building.

I made the flight, just, staring down the barrell of a four hour flight without a water bottle, or snacks, or even a goddamn newspaper. The injustice was all too much. I had to call my sister.

I breathlessly recounted my holiday package provider hardship, and calmed, with her enthusiastic usage of expletives.

*Sound of a plane taking off and landing again*

I arrived in Tenerife, reached my hotel, to find my room, with twin beds, two glasses with a bottle of wine, two seats on the balcony, and a nice little box of chocolates for two.

The chocolates were the final straw. They had to go.

Day Two: I totally don't got this

Ok, so there are couples everywhere. But that's ok. I'm alone, but I am strong and I am comfortable in my own company.

Well, that's the crap I was saying to myself at the time, anyway.

I felt empowered at the start of the day, doing whatever I felt like doing, awkwardly eating at restaurants on my own, and generally just coping...until I started texting my man friend.

I was a little bored, a little lonely, and it seemed like the thing to do.

Yes, well, that didn't work out so well, and one mammoth Skype call later, we'd decided on an indefinite break.

Obviously, I don't do things by halves.

Day Three: You go girlfriend

I started the day with a new perspective. Suddenly, I was a strong, single, independent woman.

Did the same shit as the day before, but, felt surprisingly ok. Unsettling.

Day Four: So very ronery

Seriously? Five days of this? Seems a little over the top right?

Argh. Lay on the beach, walked on the beach, ate some food, read like, an entire book in a day.  It was a Twilight book. I may have imagined that I knew Edward and Bella.

Perfected the art of luring cute young Spanish waiters into long conversations while I was eating. Assumed this must be how it feels to be a wealthy old spinster.

Day Five: Getting into the groove

Sat on the beach. Went for a run and a swim. Explored the coastline. And what is this? Started to get used to being alone?

Asking for a table for one at a restaurant? No worries. Sitting alone on a bench staring out at the sea? Sweet as. Traversing a romantic coastal pathway solo? Of course! Another person walking next to me would just get in the way of the view!

I can legitimately say, I got pretty used to being on my own.

I do what I want!

So. It was more interesting than I expected it to be.

I learnt a lot about myself - mainly, that I can quite happily potter about alone without anyone to depend on for days at a time. You'd have thought?

And, turns out, you can choose to feel alone, or, you can choose to be with yourself. Wait, what? Just trust me.

When I took control of how I felt, and looked after myself, did things that I wanted to do and that made me happy, I didn't even notice I was on my own. Well, that's not true - I knew it, and I actually loved it!

Back in reality - I feel like I could do all the things alone I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing before, things as simple as eating at a restaurant by myself. Player, please!

Being ok alone isn't something that comes easily to everyone. But now I know it's something you can learn.

Can't wait for my next chance to spend another five days on an island working on it!

Or...working on almost anything I could possibly think of to justify spending another five days on an island.